Life goes on....

Perhaps they are not stars in the sky, but, rather openings where our loved ones shine down to let us know they are happy   Unknown


I really did not plan to post about this, but, since my shrink was out of town this week and I normally see her on Thursdays, consider this a "session."

When I lost my Mom 24 years ago, I thought that life could not get any crappier. Of course, I was wrong, but, nonetheless, at the time, my...OUR lives just seemed so...empty. We are a close knit family and our parents - Mom, especially - was the glue that held us together. It was darker for me because I'm named after her. I remember my father, who was trying to get a picture of my Mom and I while we were on vacation in San Francisco, telling us, "I want a picture of my two Nancy's...smile, my Nancy's." A month later, she was gone.

If the pain of losing a parent has such an effect on the child, Lord have mercy....I can't even imagine what my life would be without my boys.

This past Saturday, we lost my Father in Law.  He had been fighting cancer for a little bit and, man, did he fight! But, at 88 years old, the fight takes so much out of you and the pain...oh my goodness, the pain he went through! Hubby and our two kids visited him daily. Because of my school schedule (night classes), I saw him 3-4 evenings a week. I loved him dearly. With him, there was no drama or issues of my parenting skills or whether or not his son and grandsons were happy. He told me once, "I trust you." I was shocked...and, so humbled by his words. It meant so much to me that I had gained his approval, trust and love.

On Monday, Hubby tells me quietly, "It seems strange that I'm not rushing to see him after work anymore." There was nothing I could say to that. Instead, I just pulled him close and held him.

Our two boys are taking it differently - my 13 year old is angry...who can blame him? It's a crappy day when the man you looked up to is gone from your life - I was angry, too, when I lost Mom. I know how it feels. Screw you, world...that's pretty much how you feel.

Now, my 10 year old...my poor baby. He wavers between hurt and sorrow...silence and crying. I can see him struggling to remember everything that Grandpa taught him, because memories keep him alive in his head and his heart. Nothing wrong with that - I do the same with Mom.

While my oldest - who is now 20 - is not his flesh and blood,  Dad-in-Law never treated him any different than my other two Stooges. Because he was my son, that made him his grandson. And, my oldest has dealt with losing a parent himself...when he was 6, his father had died of a massive heart attack.

A few years ago, we had lost Hubby's brother to cancer. Losing both of them in such a short period of time has put a toll on Hubby and his Mom.

We all know Daddy-in-Law is at peace now - no more pain, no more suffering, no more struggling. But, even though we know all of that, it doesn't lessen the grief, pain, sorrow...emptiness that the rest of us are dealing with...right now. In time, the pain will heal...and, so will we. Its what he would have wanted for all of us...to be happy with our memories of him and hope that they make us smile...don't worry, Daddy-in-Law, they will.

Life is...too short, too fragile to let it pass by. If I believe in anything, its this...tell your spouse, your children, your siblings, your parents...whoever...everyday "I love you." Don't fill your days with regrets; if there are any, learn from them...so you don't repeat them. Fill your soul, your heart with every emotion that you can and...just FEEL. Open your mind so that you can experience all that there is around us. To do this, to experience this...that's what living is. That's what our lives should be all about.

Well, this about concludes my hour session...I have no funny line or catchy phrase to end this post. Instead, I will say what is in my heart.

Love you, Daddy-in-Law, and you will be missed so very much....

My First Michaels Haul

Shopping is cheaper than a psychiatrist
Unknown - found on Pinterest



It came! My first Michaels purchase...I'm so excited!
But, I do have an issue with the delivery....the UPS guy didn't even ring the doorbell - he left the box on the back fender of my hubby's truck! I was like, WHAT??? And, you know what's so retarded about that? The doorbell was only two steps away from the truck! Apparently, the effort was just too much for him to handle...
Anyway, here it is...

There really wasn't much - a kraft mat from Ranger and some Heidi Swapp stuff - 2 Project Life Core Kits, 2 Project Life add on kits, 2 stamps and 2 flip albums. The stamps are for my planner and my Project Life album that I'm starting and the flip albums...I haven't decided yet. I may use it in my PL or incorporate it into my golden beauty...still trying to work it out.
There are a couple of more purchases that I need to make online - Wild Orchid Crafts is definitely one of them. I'm trying to abstain from any more planners, but, I still have the Webster Pages Color Crush in my head and I think Kikki K still has a sale going on....
So, I had my first class on Tuesday - and, I like it. There are actually 9-10 different subjects that will be taught over a year long period and super reading intensive. Its a small class - only 8 of us and, besides myself, there is only one other person in there due to Vocational Rehabiliation (when involved in a workplace accident and you are unable to return to the same job, you are assigned to a Vocational Rehabilitation Counselor and they help with either finding you a new position or work with the insurance company to get you into school). She is a cancer survivor - she lost her left arm because of the cancer and she's inspiring. She said that she may only have one arm, but, she wasn't going to stop living and pursuing a career. I am in awe of her.
My men took great pride in teasing me about homework when I got home from class - I loved it! My Stooges are so supportive of me, it humbles me. Hubby is a little worried, especially since I told him that the classroom is in a far corner of the campus and the lighting in the parking lot is almost non existent. I have a feeling I may be losing my driving privileges soon...
Well, thats it for now...thanks for stopping by and if your day is a little stressful, go and enjoy in some retail therapy...it really does soothe the soul.

Crafty Shopping Haul - The Ink Road and Pretty Pink Posh

I could give up shopping, but, I'm not a quitter

Unknown

You know what really sucks about being a proverbial prisoner in your own home? Nothing, really. 

I mean, my hubby isn't keeping me captive and my kids aren't torturing me...well, not really...but, because of my circumstances, my days consist of: take kids to school, doctors appointments, physical therapy, shrink appointment, take kid to work, pick up said kids, grocery shopping, cooking....need I go on? I mean, I'm not chained to the house, but, there was always the fear that I was being watched - no, its not being paranoid. It's known as being on Workmans Comp.

I have had anyone and everyone tell me horror stories about how their friend, co-worker or relative was in a work related accident, and, thanks to the power of persuasion, I have let that dictate how my day to day life goes. That and the threatening phone call from someone related to the case. Well, been there, done that and I'm done with it all.

Anyway, I digress....during one of my many solitary confinement days, I came across a couple of websites that came highly recommended from some YouTube channels I watch. The first one is:

The Ink Road (Etsy)

I love the pink mailing bag! Packaging makes a huge impression with me and I thought it was super cute...until I opened the bag

and, saw this! I was like, awwww....

My stuff arrived fast and in great condition...this is the first time I ordered from her and I will definitely order from her again! I picked up these from her:

The Heidi Swapp dies, a Heidi Swapp stencil with stamp and a packet of Teresa Collins Studio Gold ephemera. I got the ephemera for my planners and everything else was for purely selfish reasons:) I already used the "Thank you" die for a card and I loved the way it cuts.

That same day I ordered from here:

Pretty Pink Posh

I love the sequins! And, the handwritten thank you note rocked! The colors are super pretty and I can't wait to use them! Any minute now, the guys in the brown truck will be rocking' my driveway with a box from Michaels! We don't have a Michaels here in Hawai'i, or, Joanns, Hobby Lobby, AC Moore, Tuesday Morning and Daiso...sucks, let me tell you.

I have actually completed a couple of things and am working on something for one of my neighbors...for her Hydro Flask. I'll be done with that in a day and I'll share that with you.

Hope you enjoyed the haul share and I'll see you in a couple of days!

Valentines Day = happy tummies and planner love

Life always offers you a second chance.
It's called tomorrow.
Unknown


I wouldn't call this a random post, but, I may jump from one extreme to another. 
Remember in my last post how I said that I'd see you all in 5 weeks? Yep, happy 5 weeks later! 
First...this little beauty came in for me:

First of all, I squealed...yes, squealed...when my son came into the house with my box. Hubby came rushing out of the room, he thought I fell down or something. Needless to say, he did not share in the excitement. Personal thoughts? It's freakin' beautiful...and, its mine! It's big and beautiful and gold!! I love it!! Have I moved into it yet? No! I was so sure what I was going to do with this planner, but, after touching it and smelling it, I'm not so sure anymore. I have a personal Filofax in my bag as my appointment planner, so, I'm leaning more toward making it a "Me" Planner - journal, ideas, sketches, etc. It might sound crazy, but, I actually don't like to put everything in one place. Meaning, I have a planner for the household stuff - shopping, coupons, maintenance stuff; a planner for the family - appointments, field trips, birthday stuff, schedules for work; and, then, my stuff.
In my house, I can't even use the bathroom in private, so,there are very few things I can keep to myself - my cell phone, my purse/wallet, and, now, this planner.
I am still trying to come up with inserts, dashboard, etc., so, its work in progress. I will probably start moving into it in March. I'm also trying to fix the faux-dori I made for the Facebook list group I belong to and I bought some pretty light blue vinyl for a new faux-dori that I will use as my Fitness log/journal. Looks like I'm going to be pretty busy this weekend!

Second, Valentines Day.
Now, in all of the years that hubby and I have been together, he has bought me flowers once...and, then, managed to blow the deal by complaining about how much the roses had cost him. Nice, right? This year, I wanted flowers...told him, too.

"I want flowers," I tell him
"Why?" he tells me
"Because its romantic; c'mon, do something different this year," I tell him
"Huh...well, I'm not romantic and flowers die," he said

My hand is still stinging from the slap I gave him upside his non-romantic head. Don't read this wrong; I wasn't mad...we laughed about it the whole time. It's just not...him to do something as traditional as buying flowers for me. And, he does have a romantic streak...after all, he got me this for Valentines Day:

Yes, it's a Hydro Flask. Yes, I know its not romantic, but, it is practical and something that I will use all the time, so, at least he knows that its a smart purchase. Flowers would have been, too, but, hey, at least I got something.
The tradition for Valentines is that I would make my men dinner - no, we don't go out to eat. First, because its usually really freakin' retarded at restaurants on the day of love, and, second, feeding five is hella expensive. I say five because there would be a slight mutiny within the household if we tried to leave without the other three. Nuff said.
Anyway, I would make whatever they wanted - yes, that would mean four different meals. But, it made them happy and that's all that mattered. Well, thanks to the world of Pinterest and the endless supply of recipes at our fingertips, this year I made one meal that they all loved:

I made a roast, Kahuku Style shrimp, and roasted red potatoes with brussel sprouts, onions and bacon. Dessert was brownies with vanilla ice cream, chocolate rice krispies topping with coconut flakes, walnuts, brown sugar and caramel. Needless to say, it was a success.

And, biggest news of all...I start school tonight!! YAY!!! Hence the quote...basically, I'm getting a chance to start my life over...and, I can't wait! I'm excited...and, scared, but, its a good scared, not the type that has you throwing up all over the place. And, I'm making a planner for that, too!! I mean, completely DIY - printables, cover, inserts, everything. I was joking with my husband about being married to a college girl...he just laughed and said, "whatever."

I've learned something over the last 18 months, 2 days and 3.5 hours...there will always be  another chance to do something over in our lives. Whether it be a casserole or life choices, don't ever think that there won't be a chance to make it right...or to give us a chance to be truly happy. As long as we have tomorrow, we all have a second chance.

Seizing the Moment

Seize the moment...remember all those women on the Titanic who waved off the dessert cart..

Erma Bombeck

Woo hoo - two posts in one day! And, then, you won't see me for another five weeks...just kidding.
I had started this post yesterday, but, got waylaid by the National Championship game - we still love you, Ducks! - rolling blackouts, funky internet and dinner. So, here we are, a day late..
I am a planner dork...not as intense as some people, but,a dork, nonetheless.

There they are...the top one is a Pocket Malden and thats my wallet - it works really well since I can jot down my appointments and what nots right then and there. The next is a Pocket Sketch and thats actually my shopping folder - all of my reward cards and rain checks and stuff go in there. I am still trying to set up the Raspberry Saffiano as its the only one with a current calendar in it and the grey book is something I got from TJ Maxx for journaling and stuff. I found a tutorial on YouTube on how to make your own Faux Dori and that would my version of it under the grey journal and the last one is actually a planner that I got from Walmart during the back to school sales and that's my home planner. Like I said, I'm a dork.

As for seizing the moment...well, I wanted a bigger one, more like an A5 size planner that I could use for home stuff because the Wal Mart one ends in June. So, I found this little beauty and I couldn't resist

Yes, a Kikki K! There are two that are similar in size going for the same price (on sale now for $39.98) but I was on the fence about which one to get. So, I referred to the wonderful world of YouTube to take a look-see on the difference and I found the best review ever at ThePaperAddiction.

They actually purchased both - the Time Planner and the Personal Planner. They did a run through on the pros and cons, similarities and so forth. After watching that, I made my choice and got the Personal Planner. The one thing I didn't like was that it didn't have the week on two pages, but, I can find one - I hope. And, the monthly calendar is a Perpetual Calender - not dated - so, I can start it whenever and date it myself. I may just make copies of the calendar and keep those on hand for refills.

There is another one that I am seriously lusting after

Yes...the Websters Pages Crash Planner in Light Teal!

They are completely sold out until March - bummers. That's okay, it'll give me time to convince my two men (Hubby and oldest Stooge who has a job) that I cannot do without one. One of them will cave...

The reviews on YouTube are pretty good so far since the release of them and it is loaded with a lot of ideal inserts for the crafter/mom/cook/shopper. The fact that the strap closure is actually a little longer than most planners so that it accommodates for whatever dorks like me put in it is a nicely added touch. I am looking at this one for my personal use: daily journaling, school stuff, craft stuff, etc.

I am curious about Erin Condren Planners, but, $50.00 is a little bit of a stretch for me, considering that its not refillable. I am the type of person that needs to be able to make her dollar stretch as long as possible, so, refillable is a priority for me.

I found some great printables and downloads on Pinterest (of course!) for planners and will be working on that today...the Over Organized Compulsive person that I am is sweating buckets because I am seriously behind in my organization. 

Well, I'm off to start my day...have a great Tuesday, everyone and don't forget to seize the moment!

Make me something to eat, woman...

My heart says chocolate and wine, but, my jeans say for the love of God, woman, eat a salad
Unknown (found on Pinterest)

Happy Tuesday! My two younger Stooges have returned to school (can I get an AMEN?) and I am enjoying the quiet time. Don't get me wrong...I love my boys with all my heart and will slay all things living and imaginary should anything happen to them. Its the constant bickering that makes me completely nuts and all sense of patience flies out the windows and front door. So, having my daily routine back is quite the Godsend, let me tell you.
While my boys were home during the winter break - that would be my three sons and hubby - my cooking duties had now extended to all three meals, not just dinner. I know, what am I complaining about? I mean, there are women who do it everyday on a regular basis whereas I only do it on vacations and school breaks. So, suck it up, right?
The difference here is...my men are picky. REALLY picky...they'll say they aren't, but, they're lying.
Breakfast is alway rice, at least two types of meat, and two eggs - or, rice and an omelette. In Hawai'i, we eat rice with everything - even spaghetti. Well, I don't, but, there are some who do. Don't tell my youngest to eat a bowl of cereal for breakfast - he'll pitch a fit...a HUGE one.
Sandwiches for lunch are okay...as long as there are chips to go with it. And, dinner...Lord Almighty, if I should ever get dinner wrong, there will be hell to pay. This is where my culinary expertise (ha!) comes into play...
I found this incredibly easy recipe for Spicy Pork (Korean style) online at beyondkimchee.com and I decided to give it a shot

Thank you, Daddy, for the wok - I've had this wok for 15 years - no home should be without one, I think.

I used some pork country style ribs that I bought at Costco and cut it thin - made the sauce according to the recipe, but, doubled it because, hey, I'm feeding 4 hungry guys - this pic is actually a third of the amount that I cooked. Besides onions, I had some left over Won Bok (Chinese Cabbage), cut that and threw it in there. I wished I had gotten a pic of it plated, but, it didn't last long...I served it with rice and macaroni salad (another local staple for some meals) and made 4 guys extremely happy campers. Personally, I don't eat like my guys - breakfast is whenever I remember to eat, I never do lunch and dinner is always half of what my men eat without a lot of the side dishes. It works for me...

While taking the boys in to school, my youngest asked me "What's for dinner, Mom?" 

it's 6 freakin 30 in the morning...how the hell am I supposed to know? Oh well, at least it'll give me something to think about today...I wonder what they would say if I told him "SALAD!"?

So Long, 2014!

The struggle you're in today is developing the strength you need for tomorrow
       - Unknown


Wow...it's been a helluva long time since I posted here...how was your holiday season? Looking forward to 2015? I can honestly say that I am...I am completely over , under and done with 2014.
It's not that it was a bad year...but, it wasn't all sunshine and giggles, that's for sure.

So...where does one start??

Well..let's start with August 2013 and roll from there...
I was involved in an accident in August 2013 and it was...life altering and an attitude changer, that's for sure. I won't go into details about what happened, but, needless to say, I am not the same person I was when I woke up on August 15, 2013. The last 16 months, 16 days and two hours have been filled with numerous doctors/physical therapy/psychologist/vocational counselor appointments and during that time, I have also had neck surgery and suffered a couple (okay, possibly more than a couple) of breakdowns - also known as going through the Stages of Grief. Since Acceptance (the last stage of grief) hasn't shown itself yet, 2015 may or may not be a slight repeat of 2014...geez, I hope not.

So, when one such as myself is faced with some time on her hands, I tend to do a multitude of things:

1. Spend it watching Criminal Minds re-runs
2. Spend it doing on line window shopping (I will purchase everything on my many Wish Lists eventually)
3. Pin on Pinterest....constantly
4. Read...alot! (Since discovering Wattpad, I now have an incredible urge to write a romance novel that involves a heroine in need of an extreme makeover that is secretly in love with her billionaire boss)
5. Craft - per my shrink, I was told to continue to craft as my part of my therapy...my art journal has some pretty dark entries in it

I did other stuff, too, for sure...like, drive my men nuts with my breakdowns and outbursts and fits of creativity that made me tend to stay away from them for hours. But, much to my husbands frustration, none of my "episodes" included cleaning fits or baking rampages or cooking sprees like I was The Pioneer Woman (she rocks, by the way). It is what it is...

My downside to 2014 (yes, there's more besides the other stuff already mentioned) is that I found out that after I had the metal plate attached after losing a disc in my neck, I was not going to be the same person physically that I was before - no more boxing, kick boxing, cross fit training - anything that involves me using force and/or lifting more than 15 pounds. I can't lift my head up to look above me and trying to tuck my chin to my chest will make me nauseous. Oh, and, I have a phobia of crowds. Oh well, it is what it is...

But, there is a good side to it...I have found out that I suffer from Overly Organized Compulsive Disorder - OOCD. Yes, I made that up. Because of my disorder, I am the owner of at least 5 organizer/planners all for the upcoming year, have hung all of my clothes on hangars that are either black or silver and woke up this morning and organized my underwear drawer. I have post its all over the house of upcoming appointments (even though its already listed in 3 of my planners and my Iphone and my iPad...and, yes, my men also have a list of everything because I'm organized like that).

So, as I was contemplating some serious life choices over the last few days, I realized that while holding on to the ugliness of whats been in my life for the last 16 months, 16 days and 2 hours, 42 minutes made me comfortable (because its what I was used to), it sure as hell isn't healthy. But, it's a block to build on so that one can move forward. Hence, the quote at the top of the page.

I will be changing the look of this blog and for all 2 or 3 of you that read it, I hope you will continue to stop and take a look at whats here. I have some ideas of what I want to do here and I hope you like it. I have another blog where I do Stampin' Up! stuff only on that (inkonmystamps.blogspot.com), but, for this blog, I want to be more relaxed and just let it all out. Maybe I'll post a few excerpts from my romance on here...just kidding.

On that note...may you all enjoy a safe holiday and may your 2015 be filled with luck, love and happiness.

Happy New Year!